Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
