I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
