at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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