trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
