I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
