we have officially lost it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
