Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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