i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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