i don't like sucking hair
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
