I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Jerry, you need to find god
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
pop tarts are not kleenex
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
