he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
