we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
