Your face is a jimmy john
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
