Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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