I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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