I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
