I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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