just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
