Your mouth is God's brothel.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
