So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
