saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
His nipple licking is glorious
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