I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
