I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My liver just had a heart attack.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
