Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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