Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
