I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
