She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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