If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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