After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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