I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
