i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
