my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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