Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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