Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
