her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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