Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
