Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
