Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
