What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can vaginas get frostbite?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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