and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
