Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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