she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just invented taco cereal.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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