He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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