I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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