Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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