He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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