The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
