i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
being pregnant is like rehab
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
