drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
