He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
