A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
