STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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