i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
