New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
