Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
